Ten Strategies for Everyday Life

Emotional self-regulation is a skill evident in people who weather crises without being broken by them. The goal is not to suppress emotions. Emotions are not the enemy. The goal is to manage them in such a way that they do not uncontrollably dictate our actions.

Ten strategies that have proven effective. For me, too. Not always. But more and more often.

Be mindful and pause

1. Name your feelings. “I feel bad” is too vague. Be specific: I’m disappointed. I’m overwhelmed. I’m frustrated. I’m afraid. Simply naming a feeling precisely takes away some of its intensity. The Psalms show us how. David doesn’t sugarcoat anything. He names things as they are.
2. Take a break. There’s a small space between stimulus and response. Use it. Take three to five slow breaths in and out. Wait a few minutes before you respond. Ask yourself: How will I view this situation in a week? This brief pause prevents many impulsive decisions—and some impulsive messages you should never have sent.
3. Examine your thoughts. Is that really true? What evidence do I have? Is there another plausible explanation? Often, we don’t react to the situation itself, but to our interpretation of the situation. That’s a difference. A big one.

Using Your Strengths Effectively

4. Focus on influence. What can I influence? What is beyond my control? I can’t change the situation in the north. I can’t stop a missile or overthrow a government. But I can decide how I speak to my wife today, how I work, and what I pray for. Investing energy in things we can’t change only increases stress. Putting energy into what’s within our control restores our strength.
5. The body and emotions are connected. If you sleep poorly, hardly ever exercise, and live on coffee and the news, you shouldn’t be surprised if your nerves are frayed. A twenty- to thirty-minute walk measurably reduces stress. So does swimming. The body isn’t just an appendage of the soul—it carries the soul along with it.
6. A Change of Perspective. Imagine a good friend telling you about the same situation. What advice would you give him? Probably wiser advice than the kind you’re about to follow yourself. This distance makes you more objective. And more forgiving. But the broadest perspective isn’t that of your friend—it’s God’s: How does He view this situation? In the light of eternity, many problems shrink to their true proportions.

Take Action Instead of Being Driven by Circumstances

7. Not every emotion calls for immediate action. This may be the most important sentence in this post: A feeling is a signal, not a command. You can be angry without raising your voice. You can be afraid and still take action. You can be disappointed and still remain friendly. Feelings inform us. They don’t have to control us.
8. Practicing Gratitude. Not as a way to sugarcoat things. Not as a pious band-aid for real wounds. But as a conscious balance: Write down three things every day that went well. The brain is wired to spot dangers. Gratitude teaches it to notice the other side as well—the things that sustain us.
9. Know your own triggers. What situations regularly throw you off balance? What kinds of people? What topics? I know mine. Certain headlines. Certain discussions. If you know your own patterns, you won’t be caught off guard anymore. You can prepare yourself.
10. Act based on values, not on sentiment. Ask yourself: What kind of person do I want to be in this situation? Not: What do I feel like doing right now? For us as believers, these values are not of our own choosing. They are anchored in God’s Word. That is why the real question is: How would Yeshua act in this situation? What is in line with what God says about me? Moods change. His Word remains. In the long run, acting from this foundation leads to better decisions than any spontaneous reaction.

Start small

None of this is a trick. None of this makes these times any easier. War remains war; crisis remains crisis. But between what is happening around us and what becomes of us lies precisely this space: the way we deal with what wells up within us. Supported by a foundation that does not waver.

Challenges shape us. They reveal what we’re capable of, and they show us where we need to grow. Those who learn to recognize their feelings without letting them control them don’t become invulnerable. But they become capable of taking action. And in times like these, that’s worth more than any quick answer.

Start small. Tonight: Write down 10 things that went well. Tomorrow morning: Take a deep breath and say a prayer before you start anything. That’s all you need to get started.